The Fish (baby.,, not pinata this time).

So, like Brett said in our last post - yes, we did just find out that we're having a baby. I'm not very far along yet (only 5 weeks and 2 days... yes I'm that meticulous in counting), but we're very hopeful that we'll make it to full term this go around. The baby will be due around April 24th (which is pretty much perfect since there's only 6 weeks left of the school year after that - thank heavens for maternity leave!).

If that's all you want to know... I'd stop reading at this point, because the rest of this post is going to be somewhat wordy and emotional (but I'm pregnant, I'm allowed to be emotional).

There are a couple reasons why I want to document this (although it may seem strange to do it publicly)... I want other people who may be going through or who may go through a similar experience to know that I'm definitely willing to talk to them about it. I'm also just soooo happy that it's hard to explain it without describing the opposite. And because this is our family journal, and this is a big family moment. 

If you're wondering what that "this go around" phrase was all about, that's probably because you didn't know that I miscarried last January. I was super excited because my two sisters, Anne and Sarah, were due in June (a month before me), and we just knew Ali would be getting pregnant soon too (which she did). And Cambrie was pregnant on Brett's side of the family (although that ended tragically as well, about a week after my miscarriage). A week after my first prenatal appointment, I started bleeding and was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. Basically, I was a mess. I'm not sure how Brett could stand to be so patient with me crying all the time. But he was amazing as usual, and not only put up with me, but was a huge support when I needed it most.

I thought I'd get over it pretty quickly, especially because I thought I'd be able to get pregnant again pretty quickly. Every month that passed was a disappointment, and I'd be a crazy, bawling, psycho wife for my poor husband. My sisters had their babies, and my baby's due date came and went without any celebration. I finally went to the Dr. because things just weren't normal, and he put me on Clomid... and apparently it worked! I'm a little nervous about twins though, since Clomid can increase the chances of multiples, but I'm not going to worry about that until the ultrasound.

It's amazing to me how closely our emotions are tied to our spiritual strength. I was feeling absolutely horrible... I was in the "depths of despair" (to quote a movie, but actually mean it...). I felt like my faith was at an all time low (in my little brain it made sense to me that if I had enough faith, I would have gotten the answer to my prayer - a new pregnancy - a long time ago). I figured, I just didn't have enough, therefore, no miracle. But of course, all of those scriptures about how "faith proceeds the miracle," "ye will have no sign until after the trial of your faith," "this will be but a little moment," etc. all came to my mind this last month. My awesome mother-in-law asked our family to fast and pray together this last month because there are individual things each of her children needed (and she knew what my particular trial was). I'm very grateful for my family's collective and individual faith - it truly helped to strengthen my own.

We teach primary, and yesterday the sharing time was about how Faith and Miracles come together (like peanut butter and jelly). And so, I figure... it's a miracle to me that we're having a baby - so maybe I do have enough faith after all.

There is amazing truth to the "opposition in all things" law - perhaps I needed to go through "despair" so that I could fully appreciate how incredibly happy I am right now. I told Brett I'll try not to complain about fatigue, nausea, or any other type of physical discomfort related to having a baby because that's just it - I'm having a baby!

And so - for those of you who wanted to know - that's the whole story.