Monday, August 23, 2010

The Fish (baby.,, not pinata this time).

So, like Brett said in our last post - yes, we did just find out that we're having a baby. I'm not very far along yet (only 5 weeks and 2 days... yes I'm that meticulous in counting), but we're very hopeful that we'll make it to full term this go around. The baby will be due around April 24th (which is pretty much perfect since there's only 6 weeks left of the school year after that - thank heavens for maternity leave!).

If that's all you want to know... I'd stop reading at this point, because the rest of this post is going to be somewhat wordy and emotional (but I'm pregnant, I'm allowed to be emotional).

There are a couple reasons why I want to document this (although it may seem strange to do it publicly)... I want other people who may be going through or who may go through a similar experience to know that I'm definitely willing to talk to them about it. I'm also just soooo happy that it's hard to explain it without describing the opposite. And because this is our family journal, and this is a big family moment. 

If you're wondering what that "this go around" phrase was all about, that's probably because you didn't know that I miscarried last January. I was super excited because my two sisters, Anne and Sarah, were due in June (a month before me), and we just knew Ali would be getting pregnant soon too (which she did). And Cambrie was pregnant on Brett's side of the family (although that ended tragically as well, about a week after my miscarriage). A week after my first prenatal appointment, I started bleeding and was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. Basically, I was a mess. I'm not sure how Brett could stand to be so patient with me crying all the time. But he was amazing as usual, and not only put up with me, but was a huge support when I needed it most.

I thought I'd get over it pretty quickly, especially because I thought I'd be able to get pregnant again pretty quickly. Every month that passed was a disappointment, and I'd be a crazy, bawling, psycho wife for my poor husband. My sisters had their babies, and my baby's due date came and went without any celebration. I finally went to the Dr. because things just weren't normal, and he put me on Clomid... and apparently it worked! I'm a little nervous about twins though, since Clomid can increase the chances of multiples, but I'm not going to worry about that until the ultrasound.

It's amazing to me how closely our emotions are tied to our spiritual strength. I was feeling absolutely horrible... I was in the "depths of despair" (to quote a movie, but actually mean it...). I felt like my faith was at an all time low (in my little brain it made sense to me that if I had enough faith, I would have gotten the answer to my prayer - a new pregnancy - a long time ago). I figured, I just didn't have enough, therefore, no miracle. But of course, all of those scriptures about how "faith proceeds the miracle," "ye will have no sign until after the trial of your faith," "this will be but a little moment," etc. all came to my mind this last month. My awesome mother-in-law asked our family to fast and pray together this last month because there are individual things each of her children needed (and she knew what my particular trial was). I'm very grateful for my family's collective and individual faith - it truly helped to strengthen my own.

We teach primary, and yesterday the sharing time was about how Faith and Miracles come together (like peanut butter and jelly). And so, I figure... it's a miracle to me that we're having a baby - so maybe I do have enough faith after all.

There is amazing truth to the "opposition in all things" law - perhaps I needed to go through "despair" so that I could fully appreciate how incredibly happy I am right now. I told Brett I'll try not to complain about fatigue, nausea, or any other type of physical discomfort related to having a baby because that's just it - I'm having a baby!

And so - for those of you who wanted to know - that's the whole story. 

10 comments:

Steffy said...

Katie,
So I saw the link to your blog on one of your facebook status and I was so excited to see Brett's last post. Thank you so much for posting your story and your spiritual insight. Reading your post was very timely for me and helped me a lot.

If you want to read my blog just tell me your email address and I'll add you because mine is private. Apparently crazy internet people love to steal pictures of Ezekiel because he is so darn cute, so private was the only way to go.

I hope you a safe and easy pregnancy!!

Holly said...

Thanks so much for this post, Katie. You were always an example of spiritual strength to me and it's good to know that's still true.

For me, every aspect of parenthood has tried my faith and been as the Refiner's fire, but it has also made me more grateful to be a mother.

I am so excited that you and Brett are going to be parents--I know you'll be great ones. Love ya!

Gramps said...

I'm having a grandchild!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :-)

Cambrienelson said...

As it is with all trials, I think nobody can truely understand what you've been through unless they've done it themself. Even then, their situation may be different and so they might not experience it as harshly as you.
I'm sorry that you had to go through your trial. I'm sure you've learned from it and become a better person in the end from it.
I'm SOOOO excited for you and your baby(s). I know it is bad of me, but I'm hoping for twins! 2 sets of twins would be CRAZY fun (lots of crazy and a little fun).

Kristin said...

Thanks for the whole story- it helped to fill in the gaps. :) That IS hard and I hope we both don't have to deal with it any more in the future! Good job on the timing. I'm super impressed. And secretly I'm hoping you have twins too- SHH!- but one baby is SOOOO exciting!!! Congratulations again! And if you ever want to talk- you know where I am. (upstairs, to the left :)

Shannon said...

Yahooooooooo!!!!! So happy for you and your sweet hubby! Congratulations!

Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alison Ward said...

Congrats Congrats!! So happy for you guys and understand the joy that comes after all the pain. Love ya lots!

ps and it's still ok to complain a little ;-)

Katie Groneman said...

Thanks everybody for all your love and support! We're pretty happy about stuff!

Andrea and Terrance said...

Yea!!!! I am so glad to hear--I've been waiting for the news. It worked great the 2nd time around for us! PS--I totally understand that whole "depths of despair" and faith at an all time low business. I never told you about that with my miscarriage but I definitely went through it. The answers came eventually--although not how I had expected or not as soon as I wanted them.